Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Potpourri
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! In this fic, you’ll see a little bit of everything: romance, poetry, mystery, unlikely parings, jokes, and much more within!
1. Chapter 1

**Story**: Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Potpourri  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata and Time Master  
**Written**: March 2008  
**Genre**: General  
**Rating**: T (Varies)  
**Disclaimer**: We do not own Shonen Jump or its wacky ninjas.

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_**First Set: Author's Choice: Humor**_

**Poem: Make-Out Paradise, by Time Master**

I'm a man of great wisdom  
Jiraiya is my name  
The author of Make-Out Paradise  
A series known for its fame

I study the ladies closely  
For they are the subject matter  
I think that most are sexy  
For myself I live to flatter

Many who read my series  
They always ask for more  
That's why this coming summer  
For them I have in store;

Make-Out Paradise The Movie  
The title of the pending smash hit  
All the guys will love it  
On top of royalties I will sit

Say, do you know of any ladies?  
I need some for my flick  
Cute, sexy, hot and dreamy  
I'll take any chick!

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**The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, By Master Jin Sonata**

**The Good**: Jiraiya stops in at a new pub within Tanzaku Town.  
**The Bad**: The patrons suddenly start getting real interested and cozy with him.  
**The Ugly**: It's a gay bar.

**The Good**: Naruto prepares to fight a somewhat worthy opponent arranged by Kakashi Sensei.  
**The Bad**: Kakashi accidentally sent in the incorrect forms.  
**The Ugly**: Naruto ends up fighting against Gamabunta.

**The Good**: Konohamaru finds a coupon for a free all you can eat BBQ buffet at a local restaurant.  
**The Bad**: He uses the coupon for himself, but finds out later it belonged to someone else.  
**The Ugly**: It was Choji's.

**The Good**: Sakura sees Sasuke and asks him out on a date.  
**The Bad**: Ino happens to be nearby and tries to convince Sasuke to go with her instead.  
**The Ugly**: Gaara already asked Sasuke out. Sasuke agreed.

**The Good**: The Third Hokage prepares to appoint a new teacher of the Ninjitsu and Genjutsu arts.  
**The Bad**: This particular person suddenly has to move out of the Village.  
**The Ugly**: Might Guy is appointed the new instructor.

* * *

**Some Silly Skits, By Master Jin Sonata**

**A Friendly Game?**

**Kiba**: Go get the ball, Akamaru! (Tosses a ball for Akamaru to fetch)  
**Akamaru**: Bark! (Runs up and bites Naruto in the nuts instead)  
**Kiba**: WRONG BALL AKAMARU, WRONG BALL!!!

**Neji's Feminine Side**

**Choji**: Shikamaru! I saw Neji wearing women's clothing!  
**Shikamaru**: What a drag…

**Hinata Sees More Than She Wants**

**Hinata**: Time to use my Byakugan at full strength!  
**Neji**: I wouldn't do that if I were you…  
(Hinata uses her Byakugan ability at full strength anyways, resulting in her being able to see through Neji's clothes)  
**Hinata**: …Oh my…! I didn't know your…thing was so small…  
**Neji**: Stop that!!!

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_**First Set Complete!**_

**Please review! Remember to send us your ideas for future chapters via a review or PM and we'll put them in! Doesn't matter what subject or genre it is, we'll mix them if needed! Hope to hear from you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note**: We've got two requests from a couple of anonymous readrs! Here we go!

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_**Second Set: Anonymous Choice: Romance**_

**An Evening To Remember, Part 1**

"_**There he is…he's so wonderful…but…why can't I ever muster the courage to tell him how I really feel?"**_

Hinata Hyuuga watched from around a nearby corner as Naruto casually walked down the streets of the Hidden Leaf Village, whistling and minding his own business.

Hinata sighs.

"_**My heart beats loudly whenever I think of him…or even look at him…this feeling is so…so…"**_

Before Hinata could finish gathering her thoughts, her concentration was broken when someone from behind her tapped her on her shoulder, making her jump slightly at the sudden gesture. Spinning around, she was face-to face with Neji Hyuuga.

"**Oh…uh…Neji…what are you doing here?"** Hinata asked, taking a deep breath of relief. She didn't know what she'd do if it were Naruto standing before her. She's probably faint, like she always did whenever he came near her.

"**Hinata, I came to tell you that Naruto Uzumaki wishes to see you later this evening at this very location,"** Neji says to her.

Hinata nearly froze with excitement and fright at what she just heard.

**"**_**N…Naruto…wanting to see me…?"** _

Those words echoes through Hinata's mind. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

At first Hinata was reluctant to go along with the plan to meet him here later that evening.

But something within her told her to go through with it.

Hinata took a deep breath and smiled.

"**Thank you for letting me know, Neji,"** Hintata said to him.

She was, for now, feeling confident enough to go trough with this ordeal.

To be continued…

* * *

**A Love Letter**

Hey, loser,

This is rather awkward for me to be writing you like this, but…I don't know…its just that's there's something I've got to get off my chest. Um…yeah…this is going to sound very messed up, but, well…I like you, Naruto. I like you more than a friend actually.

There, I said it; so don't you dare stop reading this letter just yet.

I've always seen you as a nuisance and a screw-up for quite some time now. It always made me frustrated and angry when you'd doing something that would make a fool out of yourself or put our squad or myself in danger during missions. But…recently, I've started seeing you in a new light.

Remember the time when we fought each other, and you kept babbling about you being my friend? Well, I actually sort of took that to heart, though I didn't really show it.

What I'm really trying to say is…is if this letter doesn't freak you out too much, if we could get together and…do something, you know?

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I expect a response from you soon.

Sincerely,  
Sasuke Uchiha

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_**Second Set Complete!**_

**Please review! Remember to send us your ideas for future chapters via a review or PM and we'll put them in! Doesn't matter what subject or genre it is, we'll mix them if needed! Hope to hear from you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note**: We've got requests from Spidey3000 and Acooler1! Here we go!

* * *

_**Third Set: Reader's Choice: Humor**_

**Naruto vs Spiderman: Part 1**

It was an average day like any other in the Hidden Leaf Village.

Naruto was on his way toward the Ramen Shop to get him a bite to eat before his next training session with his squad.

Unbeknownst to him, he was being watched.

**"Man I'm starving! I'm going to stuff my face with ramen before training,"** Naruto says with an anticipating grin as he heads down the street.

Seconds later, the owners of the ramen shop appeared a few blocks down the street with an announcement.

**"ATTENTION EVERYONE! DUE TO OUR RAMEN SHOP BEING LOW ON INGREDIENTS, WE HAVE ENOUGH TO SERVE ONE MORE PERSON BEFORE WE CLOSE EARLY FOR THE DAY!"** the owners announced.

Naruto's eyes fly wide open upon hearing the announcement.

**"ONE SERVING LEFT!? I GOTTA GET THERE QUICK!"** Naruto yells with disbelief.

**"Not before me you won't!"** said a voice nearby.

**"What?!"** Naruto says, looking around to see where the voice came from.

Naruto eventually looks up to see a guy dressed in a blue and red costume, clinging onto the side of a building.

**"Who the heck are you?"** Naruto calls out to the man.

**"The name's Spiderman. And I've got a date with a hot bowl of ramen. See ya!"** Spiderman says, before leaping off the building and web swinging down the street.

**"WHAT?! OH NO YOU DON'T!"** Naruto yells back, now giving chase to Spiderman.

How will this scenario end? Tune in to the next Humor set and find out!

**Naruto Pisses of Lady Tsunade Part 1**

Tsunade was in Tanzaku Town blowing her money on a slot machine. Down to her last quarter, Tsunade knew she had to win big on the next game.

**"Come on, let Lady Luck be on my side!"** Tsunade said, holding her quarter up in the air.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Naruto appears right next to Tsunade.

**"Hey, Grandma Tsunade, I wanna ask you something!"** Naruto says to her.

**"YAH!!"** Tsunade yelps, startled by the fact that Naruto snuck up next to her. This sudden surprised caused Tsunade to accidentally tosses away her last quarter. Both she and Naruto watch as the quarter rolls across the floor and drop into an open-air vent on the ground.

**"Um…whoops…"** Naruto says with a nervous laugh.

Tsunade slowly turns around toward Naruto with flames in he eyes, obviously pissed off at him for making her lose her last gambling quarter.

**"Uh…Grandma Tsunade…your eyes are kinda red…some eye drops would clear that up quickly…eheheheh…"** Naruto says cheesily, now backing away from her slowly.

It wasn't long until Naruto was seen running for dear life outside the casino with Tsunade close on his tail ready to pound him to a pulp.

Will Naruto survive Tsunade's rampage? Tune in to the next Humor set and find out!

* * *

_**Third Set Complete!**_

**Please review! Remember to send us your ideas for future chapters via a review or PM and we'll put them in! Doesn't matter what subject or genre it is, we'll mix them if needed! Hope to hear from you!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Fourth Set: Reader's Choice: Humor **_

**Naruto vs Spiderman: Part 2**

In the last installment Naruto and Spiderman were both racing toward the Roman Shop to see who would nab the last bowl of ramen first.

Naruto leaped from building to building trying to take the fasted route to the shop.

**"Ha! That Spiderman dweeb will never be able to get there before me!"** Naruto says, smiling to himself.

**"Is that so? Well, hate to say you're wrong, but…you're wrong,"** Spderman says, web-swinging right beside Naruto.

**"Hey! How'd you…GAH!!"** Naruto shrieks, as Spiderman shoots a clump of web into Naruto's face, causing him to miss the next jump and fall off the building as Spiderman continued to swing toward the Ramen Shop.

Now landing on the ground near the shop's entrance, Spiderman was about to step inside…

**Biff! Smack! Pop! Kick! Bam! Crunch!**

…when several of Naruto's shadow clones jumped him from behind and began to beat him up, while the real Naruto, with a wide grin on his face, casually walks inside and sits at the counter.

**"Heheh, one bowl of ramen please!"** Naruto says to the head cook, who's back was turned to him.

The man turns around and reveals to be Spiderman instead, wearing a chef's outfit.

**"WHAT THE HECK?! I THOUGHT I…"** Naruto yells in disbelief.

**"Sorry, we don't serve kids who beat up on others and gets away with it, especially me"** Spiderman says…

**CLANG!!**

…before slamming a very large soup pot onto Naruto's head and kicking him out of the restaurant.

**"With him taken care of, its time to eat,"** Spiderman says, signaling the real chefs to come and take his order.

The owners step out from the kitchen and approach the counter.

**"I'm sorry, sir, but we just sold the last bowl of ramen already,"** said the female owner.

**"WHAT?!"** both said Spiderman, and Naruto, who was now running back inside the restaurant.

**"Who did you sell it to?!"** Naruto demands.

**"Why, Konohamaru!"** the male owner responded.

Both Spiderman and Naruto turn to each other.

They both were having the same idea.

**"Temporary truce?"** Spiderman asks.

**"Sure why not,"** Naruto says.

**Minutes later… **

**"WAAH! WHY ARE YOU TWO CHASING ME!! I DIDN'T DO ANTHING!!"** yelled Konohamaru, as Spiderman and Naruto were both chasing the little kid down the streets of the Hidden Leaf Village for making them both fight over each other for nothing in the end.

**The End!**

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_**Fourth Set Complete!**_

**Please review! Remember to send us your ideas for future chapters via a review or PM and we'll put them in! Doesn't matter what subject or genre it is, we'll mix them if needed! Hope to hear more ideas from you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Fifth Set: Reader's Choice: Mixed_**

**An Evening To Remember, Part 2**

Hinata arrives later that evening to the very same location Neji spoke of…the location Naruto wanted to talk to her. She was anxious and nervous at the same time.

"**Hinata?"**

The voice that called out her name caused Hinata to freeze up in surprise. As she suspected, it was indeed Naruto.

She turns toward him and smiles, blushing profusely.

"**Hey Hinata, its great you're here. There's…something I wanted to talk to you about,"** Naruto says to her with a warm smile.

"**Um…w-what is it?"** she says, eager to hear what he had to say to her.

"**Well…this may sound sort of weird to be asking you this…but…would you like to...I don't know…go on a da---"** Naruto started to say.

However, Naruto's question was suddenly interrupted as his sensei: Kakashi, appears before him.

"**Naruto, there is an emergency that we must take care of. Let's go,"** Kakashi says to him, grabbing Naruto by the hand and dragging him off before he could finish his question to Hinata.

Hinata stood there alone once again. She was so close to hearing what she wanted Naruto to ask of her.

But strangely…she seemed okay with the situation. She smiles and turns to leave the area.

"…**Maybe next time…"** she says, a feeling of hope in her heart.

* * *

**Naruto Pisses of Lady Tsunade Part 2**

Naruto was already out of breath trying to evade the relentless Lady Tsunade after he had accidentally made her lose her last gambling quarter at the Tanzaku casino. Not only that, he was looking very beat up and disheveled as well.

Stepping tiredly into the gates of the Hidden Leaf Village, he flops onto the he ground.

"**Oh man…I've been chased through the Land of Waves, the Sound Village…the Sand Village…why won't Grandma Tsunade just leave me alone?!"** Naruto says in between breaths.

To his dismay, Naruto looks up to see that Lady Tsunade had caught up with him in the distance.

"**Oh no…I'm so dead…"** Naruto says with a whimper.

Naruto lies down flat on the ground, when a villager approaches Naruto and looks down at him.

"**Oh my...poor kid...here's a quarter for your troubles,"** the villager said, leaning down and giving Naruto a coin before walking away.

Naruto immediately sat up after receiving the quarter.

"**What the…?"** Naruto says, but before he could say another word, Lady Tsunade zipped up to him and snagged the quarter from him.

"**Thanks for paying me back. You are now free to go,"** Lady Tsunade says before walking away, whistling along the way.

Naruto eyes twitched at the fact that all he had to do to stop her rampage was to give her another quarter.

He flops back down on the ground and started laughing, which soon turned to tears of frustration.

_**Fifth Set Complete**_

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**The End!**

**Thanks for reading. Please review!!!**


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